Warning: this post contains satire and snarkiness (yes, that is a word – I looked it up)
I love it when the phone rings. I love talking to potential customers on the phone, answering their questions about the mansion, and hopefully taking their reservation so they can have an unforgettable stay here. I’m getting better at it too. Initially, the guests were very patient with me as I learned our reservation system and stumbled through the process of getting everything set up for them. Just when I think I have everything under control, I get those few phone calls that leave me stumbling over my words.
They start out innocent enough: inquiries about available dates; what to do in the area; price, and then that question that leaves me stuttering to answer – “so…what do I get?” “Ummm…..aahhhh…..well…..let’s see……you get a bed……and you get breakfast” (mind you – I know this is self explanatory in our title, The Fleur-De-Lys Mansion Bed and Breakfast) but they are asking for something more? It’s a struggle – trying to figure out their expectations? Do they want me to say “Well, along with our usual amenities, just for you….we will give you a brand new car!!!! and ….. if you stay a second night, we will pay for your kids’ college education!!!!” Of course – I cannot say that so I just continue to stutter, trying to sell ourselves to customers that will always expect “more”.
I am now prepared, though. I have updated our amenity descriptions on our website and I have my script ready when I get the call asking for “more”. And for those of you reading this post, I will share with you what you get:
If you stay at The Fleur-De-Lys Mansion, you will get a completely private suite with clean, premier 600 count bedding. Our beds are topped with fluffy feather toppers, beautiful comforters and lots and lots of pillows. Two suites have two person jetted tubs in addition to a shower and all of the suites have bathrooms equipped with salon quality shampoo and conditioners and essential oil body washes. You will get to stay in a quiet and safe neighborhood; park in a gated and secure free parking lot; and enjoy the grandeur of a 107 year old Tudor mansion. You will be safe – you will have a unique code to have access to the front and back doors. Our security system which includes cameras is monitored 24/7 with emergency services just a button away. We will greet you with fresh baked cookies, 24 hour coffee and tea service, and complimentary brandy and amaretto in our parlor. You will get to enjoy the gardens and serene grounds. You will be a short drive in any direction from all of St. Louis attractions including downtown, Forest Park, and the Hill.
And finally, you will get a complete breakfast. This breakfast is lovingly prepared by Chef Mark with fresh, wholesome, and tasty ingredients. We strive to make sure you don’t go away hungry. We bake and cook from scratch with little or no preservatives or processed food.
No – you will not get a new car and we will not pay you to stay here, but we will do our best to meet your expectations and provide you with a memorable stay.
So….what are you waiting for?? Come and see us!!